Exclusive with new Goucher admittee

The college scene was literally set on fire tonight when Bailey Carroll ’16 announced her acceptance to Goucher College.

“Yeah we’ve got fire extinguishers, but they’re not doing much,” Lead Fireman Bram McTannam said. “A lot of people have died.”

Here’s what Carroll had to say:

“i was born knowing the secrets of the government. my first words were ‘jet fuel cant melt steel beams’. to protect me, my parents forced me to work at a textile factory when i was eight years old. for years i agonized over machines, knowing the truth about our government. knowing the lies that had been told. knowing that obama’s mole was his only connect to his lizard race at the core of planet earth. my parents died mysteriously when i was fifteen. i found out that i was the chosen one, to lead the human race against the lizard army. the year is 1850. i am bailey carroll, lizard hunter”